The Cowboy

Dhoni completely off-ground while executing a square-cuttish pull!!)








“Hum roj teen leeter doodh peete hain (I drink three litres of Milk everyday)”.

Dhoni personifies what Bihar is all about – raw, aggressive and down to earth. All of a sudden, Biharis all over the world are walking a few inches taller, finally having found a role model.

Dhoni phenomenon is just waiting to happen – I envision:

1. Patna Cowboys will become the most glamorous Cricket Franchise (once Cricket gets Americanized enough)
2. Doodh (Milk) bars will be the coolest hangout place for the hip and happening
3. Bihari Guys will become the hottest thing in the dating circle
   
4. Parents would rush to name their kids Doodhnath

(Dhoni waiting impatiently to blast the ball, in a golfish way. Notice his backswing and bend in the knees)

People Sensitive

You got to be “people sensitive” in Corporate America. This extreme fascination towards people sensitivity encourages an exciting cow-dung war at workplace. People know that they can Bull Shit/Beat around the Bush/Speak Nonsense/Make obvious and trivial statements without any fear of getting castrated.

There are a few standard ways of disagreeing at work. One always starts the response with:
1. “That’s a great point” or
2. “I completely agree” or
3. “I think we are on the same page” – and then

1. completely ignore the original point, or
2. make exactly the opposite point with utmost casualness

Somewhat fashionable but tricky:
Start the sentence with a “Yes and No”, agree with a trivial point to begin with and then rip apart rest of the argument

Example 1:

Intern: We can significantly boost the response to our offers if we make it sound like a request -> “Please, accept our credit cards, we will be grateful”

Veteran: That’s a great idea!! Keep making notes of all the ideas you have right now – infact, why don’t you pioneer an idea bank where everyone can deposit one’s ideas?

Intern (all fired up!): How about almost pleading to the customers -> “Please, please pleeease……

(My first manager actually told me to make “Idea Notes” when he was fed up with my never-ending stupid brainwaves)


Example 2:

Intern: Lets Fedex our mail offers to customers in big parcels and gift wrap them. Customers will certainly respond!!
Veteran: I completely agree! We should cut marketing cost by sending 3rd class recycled postcards


Example 3:

Veteran: I believe we should have customers - from all over the world and become a global player. Do you agree?

Big Boss: Yes and No. I completely agree that we should have customers. We would however focus on fairway county for the next ten years

I Wish

I wish workplace conversations went something like this:

Veteran: I am proposing a paradigm shift that would dynamically alter the consumer landscape!!
Intern: Maa C**** Hai? (F** U)

R.I.P. Tabaki

In memory of Tabaki, the love of my life, who died an untimely death on Saturday, Aug 20th at 10:35am in a road accident.

This is the only picture I have of Tabaki, taken in Feb '05 when I ran him into a shoulder after spinning on the Exit Ramp for 495.

Rest in Peace.

Hang Out One's Shingle - Corporate Lingo - 2

It’s interesting how all of a sudden a phrase comes from nowhere and becomes almost as popular as party poker. The phrases usually originate from the top and then percolate through the ranks. Within days, even the Tier 7 Desi/Chinese make some guesses as to what the phrases might mean and start using them with an awe-inspiring confidence.

(Aside: Reacting to the post “Stake in the Ground” – someone said, “Dooode, did you check before posting, I think it is “steak in the ground”. Perhaps, to him, putting his steak on the ground symbolizes that he is finished with his lunch and now talking serious business!)

Definition (Well, I did some research this time!)

[Shingle: A wooden board

Hang out one’s Shingle: Open an office, especially a professional practice, as in Bill's renting that office and hanging out his shingle next month. This American colloquialism dates from the first half of the 1800s, when at first lawyers, and later also doctors and business concerns, used shingles for signboards.] Source: Dictionary.com

In our context, I guess, it would mean creating an independent business identity for a team / defining what a team does through some small phrases etc.

Examples:

(I was amongst those who used this phrase with alarming frequency without really understanding it.):

Some Gems:

“We are chasing an ambitious shingle through this project”

“We will hang out a high shingle and then strive to achieve it. Even if we achieve half the shingle, it would be a job well done”

"Stake in the Ground" - Corporate Lingo - 1

I am starting a series where we would explore the currently “IN” phrases at work

This post features the omni-present phrase “Stake in the Ground”

Now-a-days, ranging from fresh college hires to the Big Bosses, almost everyone has been putting all kinds of stakes in every possible ground. I thought I would do some scholarly research on this phrase, but then decided to leave that for Chintu.

Interpreting it literally, I imagine a medieval warrior (of the leader types) furiously and ferociously forcing a stake through the ground and shouting expletives at the enemy.

In corporate America context, I imagine someone banging the table loud enough to attract everyone else’s attention (shutting them up in the process) and make loud but not necessarily logical statements. Softening it even further, I would guess it means taking a firm position on an issue / assuming ownership etc. etc.

Examples:

“I am putting a stake in the ground, and we will send popcorns with our offers”

“Let us put our stake in the ground, before they put their stake in the ground”

In fact I heard an Indian dude (I won’t reveal identity) saying:
“We will put our stick in the ground”

Well, to give it to him – stick can serve same purpose as stake – just look for a stick with sharp edge (or may be find a soft ground)


I Wish:

When the CRE folks had come to throw us out of the field, Mamu should have confronted them, actually put a real stake in the ground and should have declared “We will play Cricket”

To rub salt, we should have used those stakes as Cricket wickets.