People Sensitive

You got to be “people sensitive” in Corporate America. This extreme fascination towards people sensitivity encourages an exciting cow-dung war at workplace. People know that they can Bull Shit/Beat around the Bush/Speak Nonsense/Make obvious and trivial statements without any fear of getting castrated.

There are a few standard ways of disagreeing at work. One always starts the response with:
1. “That’s a great point” or
2. “I completely agree” or
3. “I think we are on the same page” – and then

1. completely ignore the original point, or
2. make exactly the opposite point with utmost casualness

Somewhat fashionable but tricky:
Start the sentence with a “Yes and No”, agree with a trivial point to begin with and then rip apart rest of the argument

Example 1:

Intern: We can significantly boost the response to our offers if we make it sound like a request -> “Please, accept our credit cards, we will be grateful”

Veteran: That’s a great idea!! Keep making notes of all the ideas you have right now – infact, why don’t you pioneer an idea bank where everyone can deposit one’s ideas?

Intern (all fired up!): How about almost pleading to the customers -> “Please, please pleeease……

(My first manager actually told me to make “Idea Notes” when he was fed up with my never-ending stupid brainwaves)


Example 2:

Intern: Lets Fedex our mail offers to customers in big parcels and gift wrap them. Customers will certainly respond!!
Veteran: I completely agree! We should cut marketing cost by sending 3rd class recycled postcards


Example 3:

Veteran: I believe we should have customers - from all over the world and become a global player. Do you agree?

Big Boss: Yes and No. I completely agree that we should have customers. We would however focus on fairway county for the next ten years

I Wish

I wish workplace conversations went something like this:

Veteran: I am proposing a paradigm shift that would dynamically alter the consumer landscape!!
Intern: Maa C**** Hai? (F** U)